Oh, goodness..

me: im so tired, i could collapse into bed and sleep for a year..

me: gets in bed

me: how was earth created

me: who made microwaves

me: how does the internet even work

me: i'm hungry

me: feels bad about something i did 4 years ago

me: remembers 73 unfinished tasks

me: too tired to sleep

dashdrive:

i have one or two passwords for everything if you figured them out you could probably take over my life

(via countrparts)

College be like

ntbx:

Housing: $2,980
Meal plan: $1,457
Books: $1,429
Enrollment: $983
Air: $3,274
Grass: $4,284
Sidewalk: $5,284
The sun: $3,381

(via punkmonksteven)

zackisontumblr:

if you want to challenge yourself just listen to every song on your ipod without skipping any

(via death-by-lulz)

slytheringsnake:

my sister just tried to ask me if i wanted to go to bed but instead it came out “Do you need to use the sleep?”

and then she just kinda looked really horrified at herself and whispered

"Maybe i need to use the sleep"

(via punkmonksteven)

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

(via dutchster)

bearholdt:

Fact: blankets keep you safe at night. We dont know what from, but they are definitely an immunity against something.

(Source: bearholdt, via dutchster)